I Wrote a Poem.

A Palindrome

You don’t know what I feel.

Desperate pain engulfs my heart.

The shadow weighs me down,

Like a storm weighs down a ship.

Until it sinks.

Not enough pieces to put back together,

The wreckage strewn everywhere.

Your tone is like gravel, slowly eroding my broken mind.

While I’m trying to glue myself back together,

Words sharper than knifes cut me down.

I lock myself in the bathroom,

With metal fine enough to break skin.

Any physical pain is better than what I feel.

I wear longs sleeve shirts and hide my secrets.

The joy you see has always been forced.

I’m playing a game of house with my own life.

I wish you would open your eyes,

This isn’t a make believe world.

I can’t apologize for an action I had no control over.

I feel like a robot commands me,

My mouth always says the opposite of what I think.

When I say it doesn’t matter, it does.

When I said I didn’t, I did.

When I say I’m fine, I’m not.

When I say I hate you, I love you.

When I say I love you, I hate you.

When I say I forgot about it, I didn’t.

When I say I’ll forgive you, I won’t.

When I say I want to, I can’t.

I just can’t seem to do it.

My brain isn’t programmed to forget.

Maybe my mind has malfuctioned,

Maybe my coders messed up.

I can’t just ignore it.

I latch onto every moment that bruised my heart.

The once dull ache, sharpened.

And soon it might be too hard to bare.

Maybe you’ll find this,

You’ll realize just how bad you hurt me.

You’ll realize you caused my impending death.

Maybe I should tell you, but,

I don’t want to hurt you.

I don’t want you to go through the guilt.

I don’t want you to tear yourself apart.

Even when I say, “I love you.”

Even when I say, “I love you,”

I don’t want you to tear yourself apart.

I don’t want you to go through the guilt.

I don’t want to hurt you.

Maybe I should tell you, but,

You’ll realize you caused my impending death.

You’ll know just how bad you hurt me.

Maybe you’ll find this,

And soon it might be too hard to bare.

The once dull ache, sharpened.

I latch onto every moment that bruised my heart,

I can’t just ignore it.

Maybe my coders messed up.

Maybe my mind has malfunctioned.

My brain isn’t programmed to forget.

I just can’t do it.

When I say I want to , I can’t.

When I say I’ll forgive you, I won’t.

When I said I forgot about it, I didn’t.

When I say I love you, I hate you.

When I say I hate you, I love you.

When I say I’m fine, I’m not.

When I said I didn’t, I did.

When I say it doesn’t matter, it does.

My mouth says the opposite of what I think,

I feel like a robot commands me.

I can’t apologize for an action I had no control over.

This isn’t a make belive world,

I wish you would open you eyes.

I’m playing a game of house with my own life.

The joy you see has always been forced.

I wear longs sleeve shirts and hide my secrets.

Any physical pain is better than what I feel.

With metal fine enough to break skin,

I lock myself in the bathroom.

Words sharper than knives cut me down,

While I’m trying to glue myself back together.

Your tone is like gravel, slowly eroding my broken mind.

The wreckage strewn everywhere,

Not enough pieces to put back together.

Until it sinks,